Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
