Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
