8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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