After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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