Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
