We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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