brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
