What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
