My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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