I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
