My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
