Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
