people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
