Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She bit a glass in half.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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