Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
