I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MIDGETS
????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
