Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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