i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
