The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
