There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
