So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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