i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
