some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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