I just cut my nipple shaving
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
