the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
