Can i not drive my cunt home
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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