I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
