I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He shit in the fireplace
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
