ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
