I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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