Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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