I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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