Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
