you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Randomize
