We're facebook friends in real life
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you.
Bad choice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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