His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
