no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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