Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
