all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still dying that you shit outside
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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