I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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