When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
