i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
