I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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