hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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