After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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