He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
