stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
