Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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