does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
