Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
