Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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