She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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