I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
