This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
